A Bisexual, Armenian American Romcom

I compression past a radical of rowdy tech boys and a waitress dressed successful a accepted German people costume, akin to the 1 I own, acknowledgment to a acquisition from my boyfriend, Trevor, and the brew maiden fetish helium won’t admit helium has. Polka euphony blasts done the speakers. Patrons are pounding connected tables and singing. The stuffiness successful this edifice is 2nd lone to sitting successful a blistery car with each the doors and windows shut.

I’m precocious to conscionable Trevor, but what other is new? It’s hard to propulsion distant from my household and the bonds of work (in this case, mounting up for my relative Diana’s bridal shower). My hands are aching from handling bushels of thorny crinkle roses and darting them into angiosperm arrangements. I hitch them together, hoping for immoderate relief.

I spot Trevor. He’s tapping wildly astatine his phone, wearing his work-concentration face, which is awesome due to the fact that we are successful the midst of a sausage-fest polka party. He’s sporting his accustomed precision American Psycho hairsbreadth (his words, not mine) and is wearing a quarter-zip pullover adjacent though it’s a cardinal degrees. He looks each portion the blistery evil San Francisco tech lawyer helium is, minus the evil, due to the fact that Trevor is simply a teddy carnivore who conscionable happens to bask pursuing the missive of the instrumentality of patents. I slam into the spot other him and instantly outcry my apologies.

His look lights up, and for immoderate reason, that makes this guilt beryllium successful my gut.

“Schatzie! You are sizzling. Total smokeshow. Glad you remembered to formal up.”

I don’t retrieve him asking maine to formal up, but luckily I enactment connected my reddish powerfulness formal earlier contiguous successful an effort to impressment my brag and transportation him a superior communicative alternatively of the accustomed fluff I’m assigned. I ended up filming the pursuing quality segment: “Ingrown Toenails: A Silent Killer? Local Doctor Weighs In.” So yeah, the outfit didn’t work. The representation of my brag publically shooting down my transportation with specified casual cruelty sets my nerves connected edge.

I scoot the clunky woody seat adjacent to the table. “You cognize however the household is. Can’t get down to business. Have to gossip and nag for an hr earlier thing tin get done.”

I don’t cognize wherefore I’m ragging connected them. Sure, Mom kept bugging maine astir going to immoderate super-important Armenian lawsuit happening this period (eye roll), and Tantig Sona could not halt complaining astir the heat, but determination was a infinitesimal — erstwhile the late-afternoon June airy deed the country and everything and everyone glowed yellowish nether it, the flora filling the abstraction with the scent of buttercream barroom — erstwhile I felt peaceful. We finished the arrangements, but determination was inactive truthful overmuch much setup, and I felt unspeakable for leaving them and consciousness unspeakable for being truthful precocious to this date.

“Oh, I know. Your brainsick Armenian family. Loudest radical of women successful the continental US. That ablution time — what are the small gifts you springiness retired to people?”

I fractional grin due to the fact that it’s not his fault; I speech smack connected them constantly, truthful that’s what helium internalizes. But also, however tin helium gag astir loudness erstwhile this edifice is his favourite 1 successful the city? A cowbell rings implicit and over, and a flock of brew maidens parade retired from the back, holding boots of brew for different techie radical successful the corner.

Trevor gazes astatine the show fondly, and I anticipation he’s not astir to recount the hijinks of Oktoberfest 2009 again.

Before helium gets a chance, I rapidly answer, “The favors.”

“Favors. You’re giving retired bedazzled earplugs to everyone, right?”

He chuckles to himself, and it jarringly reminds maine of my enactment nemesis, Mark. Yuck, no. Trevor is thing similar Mark, who strong-arms his mode into getting immoderate portion with existent merit, past smiles astatine the newsroom each self-satisfied. On camera, he’ll inquire rude invasive questions to radical who’ve experienced trauma, but the brag seems to devour it up. To distract myself from the thought of Trevor being thing similar him, I scan the menu. “So, I’m reasoning the jager chicken—”

“I already ordered for us-the two-person sausage extravaganza. And a surprise.”

I hatred surprises. My anticipation is that he’s referring to the pome strudel connected the dessert menu, a immense departure from his accustomed lingonberry tart. Or possibly helium bought 1 of the cervid heads connected the wall. They’re cool, if sad, and he’s been talking astir making an connection connected one. I springiness him a wan grin and commencement fanning myself with the paper similar Tantig Sona.

Photo by Louis Hansel connected Unsplash

“It feels peculiar that we’re astatine Diekkengräber’s tonight, ja?” Trevor’s lone a 4th German, and his past name, Milken, is Irish, but helium was a German major, studied successful Munich, and is inactive fluent. So people helium pronounces the edifice sanction with a cleanable accent and not however I pronounce it, which is simply a variant of “dick grabber.”

“Ja,” I respond, trying to smile, assuming helium means due to the fact that he’s headed 12 hours distant to Germany tomorrow. He’s assisting 1 of the partners connected this patent litigation lawsuit with an electrical motorcycle manufacturer. It’s a large woody for him. I request to propulsion myself unneurotic for his sake. I’m exhausted from a afloat time of shooting and editing — contempt the uninspiring worldly — past dashing implicit to assistance with the shower, past navigating an hr of hair-pulling postulation to marque it to the city. But he’s been talking up our dick grabber day for weeks, and I americium wearing my reddish dress, and it’s Friday, and I’m lone twenty-seven, truthful I should person the vigor for this.

“I’m going to miss you truthful much, schatzie,” helium says, his dependable icky-sweet. Under the table, his manus squeezes my genu a small excessively hard. I don’t wince.

The favored sanction means “treasure” successful German, which is cute, but he’s stopped saying my existent name, Nareh, oregon adjacent my nickname, Nar.

“Me, too,” I say, conscious of however I sound, trying to lucifer his tone. “But you’ll beryllium backmost soon.”

“Three weeks,” helium says, shaken.

The remainder of June and into aboriginal July. It should look long, but I person this feeling that astir a period of being distant from him is going to alert by.

“I support pretending it’s shorter,” I say. I don’t cognize wherefore I lie. I conjecture I privation to marque him happy.

A waitress sets a vessel of champagne and 2 glasses successful beforehand of us. The statement says Cristal 2010, and I consciousness similar the vigor is getting to me, due to the fact that that would be, like, a $500 bottle. Christ, it’s 5 years old; it mightiness beryllium pricier. Then I spot the Cheshire grin connected Trevor’s face.

“Are we celebrating your trip? That’s an” — I stumble implicit the words — “extravagant goodbye gesture.”

Looking sly arsenic hell, helium says, “Oh, we’re celebrating thing each right.”

He stands up and wedges himself betwixt our array and our neighbor’s, his butt knocking implicit a brew stein, which helium doesn’t announcement due to the fact that it’s deafening successful here, and past he’s successful beforehand of me, kneeling down. And ohio my God, helium pulls retired a acheronian bluish box, and my humor is rushing successful my ears. I’m gripping my seat similar it’s the lone happening keeping maine up. He opens the box, and the pistillate astatine the array adjacent to america gasps due to the fact that the diamond is fucking immense — nary different mode to accidental it — and I cognize he’s done thing stupid, similar taken the 3 months’ wage regularisation excessively literally, due to the fact that helium makes a batch pre-tax, but helium owes a chaotic magnitude of pupil debt, and that makes maine deliberation of my dada and the concealed 2nd owe helium near america with erstwhile helium died, and I don’t privation to beryllium reasoning astir that close now.

Trevor is beaming. “Nareh Bedrossian.” He spits retired my past sanction similar it’s been done a wood chipper. “Will you beryllium my wife? Will you beryllium Nareh Milken?”

Half the edifice is staring astatine me, and the different fractional is inactive partying and scream-laughing and shoving each other. Milken. Oh God, determination are going to beryllium adjacent much jokes astir my boobs for the remainder of my life. Or I tin get a breast-reduction surgery. No, Mom would termination me.

“Does— did you archer my ma already?”

His grin falters a bit, but helium keeps it up. “No, I didn’t privation your ma to get successful the mode of this beauteous thing. Our union.”

Then helium swivels astir and makes immoderate benignant of “come here” limb gesture, and present the vigor is decidedly making maine hallucinate due to the fact that I curse I spot Mark H. Shephard, my fig 1 enactment nemesis, shoving patrons retired of the mode with his KTVA mic and a cameraman with the monolithic camera setup they usually reserve for the large stories, and he’s charging toward maine and smears the mic crossed my look truthful that I get my berry lipstick each implicit it. Trevor and Mark high-five each other, which makes my tummy roil, and Trevor presses his forehead to excavation and asks, “What bash you say, schatzie?”

The antlered dormant cervid look stares astatine me, and I privation I were suspended supra everything similar him. No much decisions, nary much failures, nary much disappointing people, nary much . . .

I’m slipping down, down, and the past happening I consciousness is simply a dormant value against the backmost of my skull.

Trevor’s look is successful beforehand of mine, and helium is wide-eyed and panicking and spitting arsenic helium talks, and ohio God, it’s each coming backmost to maine erstwhile I spot Mark hovering successful the background. He’s really laughing portion strangers property against 1 different to get a look astatine the miss who fainted.

“We person to go,” I susurration to Trevor.

Trevor lifts maine disconnected the crushed and my imaginativeness momentarily blurs. People I’ve ne'er met are asking if I’m okay, and I springiness them a TV grin and archer them I’m fine, convey you. My caput clears, and I compression my mode retired of the restaurant, making definite to slam specifically into Mark and not accidental a connection to him erstwhile helium shouts, “Hey!” Because really? I’m pissed. And not conscionable astatine Mark for laughing astatine me, but astatine Trevor and his thought of a romanticist connection — at this restaurant, with each its drunk patrons — and partially astatine myself for . . . for . . . I don’t cognize what for! But I did thing wrong, and I’ll fig it out, and determination volition beryllium punishment.

I’m extracurricular and it’s instantly cold. The fog washes implicit everything, furniture aft furniture engulfing america similar waves. Somewhere successful the Marina a horn blows agelong and deep. It whitethorn beryllium an idyllic lukewarm June successful the remainder of the United States, but this is San Francisco, wherever summertime means unrelenting fog and misty winds. Trevor is down me, the beforehand doorway of the edifice jingling down him. I person to get to 1 of our cars earlier the humidity ruins my blowout. On the mode successful I brought a scarf to wrapper astir my hair, but there’s nary mode successful hellhole I’m going backmost into that edifice close now. It’ll beryllium successful the mislaid and recovered tomorrow.

Trevor is tracking me. I perceive the pound-pound of his feet, but I don’t look back, not yet. “Schatzie! Talk to me.”

I scope my car, plaything unfastened my door, and crook to him. “Get in.” The fog and streetlights person colored everything a grayish yellow.

As helium shifts inside, I spot he’s holding the champagne bottle. Priorities.

This is Trevor, my fellow of 5 years-four and a half, much precisely-who has been a root of specified kindness successful my life, who I’m astir to wounded truthful badly. But inside, I’m screaming. I person to.