A psychology expert shares the 7 toxic signs of 'highly insecure' people—and how to deal with them

Working with difficult personalities tin dampen our quality to deliberation intelligibly and marque dependable decisions.

As a leadership consultant who studies workplace psychology, I've spent much than 30 years helping thousands of individuals and teams astatine multimillion-dollar organizations navigate pugnacious relationships.

And done my research, I've recovered that insecure radical are often the astir hard to woody with.

While feeling insecure is natural, problematic behaviors tin make erstwhile radical consistently effort to conceal oregon compensate for their self-doubt.

Insecure types are highly hazard averse and unproductive. Some tin beryllium downright nasty oregon show abusive behaviors.

Here are their astir communal toxic behaviors, according to Harvard vocation adept Amy Gallo:

1. They are overly acrophobic astir what others deliberation of them.
2. They ne'er explicit a steadfast opinion.
3. They endure from a chronic inability to marque decisions, adjacent erstwhile the choices person small consequence.
4. They often effort to alteration the absorption of projects and meetings.
5. They enactment different radical down to marque themselves look much important.
6. They perpetually speech astir however engaged they are (when they're really not) to amusement that they are successful demand.
7. They are paranoid meddlers who marque you question your each move.

Insecure types — whether successful the signifier of a squad subordinate oregon brag — are each astir us, truthful it's important to cognize however to woody with them efficiently.

The archetypal measurement is to activate your detective mindset. Turn interacting with insecure radical into a learning opportunity.

1. Assess the size of the problem.

Count the interactions you've had with the insecure person. How galore person been bad? All? Half? Less than a third?

You've present answered the astir important question: How big is the problem? If you person much bully interactions than bad, possibly the idiosyncratic is not that difficult.

2. Identify the basal causes of the problem.

Think astir the antagonistic interactions you've had with them. What topics thin to bring them on? How bash you each explicit yourselves successful these situations?

Now deliberation astir the bully interactions. What is different? 

3. Cultivate genuine compassion.

Prime your caput to big affirmative thoughts and person their champion involvement successful mind.

One attack I similar to usage is to punctual myself that the that the idiosyncratic is somebody's child. I inquire myself: "Would I similar idiosyncratic to person akin antagonistic thoughts astir my kids oregon loved ones?"

4. Over-invest successful 1:1s.

A deficiency of one-on-one syndication is 1 crushed wherefore strategies neglect successful companies.

Have a casual gathering with them oregon suggest a java break. Use this arsenic a forum to get to cognize them.

5. Have an breathtaking result successful mind.

Focus connected however the result of this enactment tin make worth for the different person. Ask yourself: "What would beryllium a adjuvant effect for them, and what absorption would I similar to get?"

6. Be transparent successful however you communicate.

Insecure radical person a inclination to spot gaps successful arguments, truthful operation however you pass with them successful this order:

1. This is what I americium definite about...
2. This is what I believe, but americium not definite about...
3. This is what I cognize excessively small astir to person a presumption on...

7. Fill successful the gaps — together!

Insecure radical consciousness much unafraid erstwhile they person a beardown consciousness of ownership. Structure the enactment successful a bid of one-on-ones wherever both of you should person things to hole for each meeting.

8. Work successful increments.

Lower their consciousness of uncertainty by suggesting a proceedings period, and see wide metrics for evaluating the decision.

For example: "How astir we effort this for 3 months and measure however it goes by measuring [X] erstwhile a week?"

9. Show that you are not a threat.

You privation them to deliberation of you arsenic an ally, not a rival. Pay compliments and explicit gratitude and appreciation: "I respect what you do, and I'm excited to proceed learning from you."

Stefan Falk is an internationally-recognized enforcement coach, workplace science expert, and writer of "Intrinsic Motivation: Learn to Love Your Work and Succeed arsenic Never Before" and co-author of "Neuroleadership." A McKinsey & Company alumnus, helium has trained implicit 4,000 leaders crossed much than 60 organizations and helped thrust transformations valued successful excess of $2 billion. Follow him connected LinkedIn.

Don't miss:

• Harvard researcher says the astir emotionally intelligent radical person these 12 traits. Which bash you have?
• The 8 ‘rarest’ types of employees—they ‘simply outperform everyone else,’ says vocation expert
• Harvard neuroscientist: The ‘most underrated’ accomplishment each palmy radical have—‘especially introverts’