The 3 biggest signs of 'passive aggressive' and 'childish' behavior: Harvard body language expert

We've each had to woody with passive aggressiveness astatine immoderate point. A brag raises a dismissive eyebrow erstwhile you speak, oregon a person boxes you retired of the speech astatine a radical brunch.

But the lines are often blurred. I surely struggled with this myself, which is wherefore I spent overmuch of my career astatine Harvard researching assemblage connection and communication.

I ever urge taking the precocious road, alternatively than firing backmost oregon being hostile. Here are 3 signs of passive assertive oregon childish behavior, and however to respond effectively:

You nonstop your brag an email asking, "Should we spell up and docket a gathering with this imaginable client?" — and they reply with a curt, one-word reply similar "yes," "fine" oregon "OK."

Some radical simply similar to springiness short, to-the-point answers. But if you announcement that they're mostly responding this mode to you, and not to others, past this level of brevity mightiness beryllium an denotation of passive aggressiveness.

How to respond:

• Ask clarifying questions: "Thanks! What time and clip works champion for you?" oregon "Is determination anyone other I should invite?"
• Keep your cool: Don't instrumentality the bait. Stay focused successful the contiguous and debar acting defensively.
• Use humor: Humor is simply a large mode to diffuse tension. You could say, "If we don't onshore them arsenic a client, astatine slightest we got a escaped repast connected the company!"
• Gently code it: This tin beryllium adjuvant successful immoderate cases. The extremity is to amusement genuine intent and a tendency to understand: "I consciousness you mightiness beryllium upset with me. Is this right?"

Getting the soundless attraction tin amusement up arsenic delayed emails oregon texts, oregon adjacent ghosting behavior.

Being connected the receiving extremity of these actions tin trigger what I telephone "timing anxiety," an aggravated interest we consciousness erstwhile we find ourselves wondering astir each the imaginable meanings down the dilatory responses.

Unfortunately, determination are nary hard-and-fast rules to cognize for definite if idiosyncratic is utilizing soundlessness arsenic a deliberate slight, oregon if it is conscionable an oversight.

How to respond:

• Don't leap to conclusions. Unless it's captious that you get a reply ASAP, retrieve that you ne'er truly cognize what idiosyncratic is going through. Maybe they person a batch connected their plate, oregon are dealing with idiosyncratic issues.
• Send a gentle reminder: Some radical genuinely forget, truthful a follow-up tin beryllium helpful: "I cognize you're precise busy. But erstwhile you get a chance, I'd emotion to chat astir this."
• Switch to a antithetic mode of communication: If you travel up doubly with nary response, effort sending a enactment DM alternatively of an email. Or plaything by their bureau if they aren't answering their phone.

If you're texting and emailing with idiosyncratic and they alteration their code from informal to ceremonial retired of nowhere, it mightiness mean they are trying to asseverate power.

A akin concern mightiness beryllium a person who is abruptly precise acold oregon detached successful their connection implicit text. For example, going from "Yea, that sounds similar fun!" to "Sure, whatever."

How to respond:

• Don't automatically presume they're aggravated with you: It's casual to leap to the decision that you are being singled out, but that's often not the case. In fact, their behaviour whitethorn person thing to bash with you.
• Reach retired by phone, video chat, oregon successful person: It tin beryllium hard to decipher however idiosyncratic truly feels done integer communication. Reach retired successful a much personable mode and explicate the root of your anxiety. Don't beryllium apologetic oregon accusatory. Just beryllium honorable and inquire for clarification. This volition assistance you physique spot and connection, nary substance the distance.

Erica Dhawan is simply a Harvard researcher, keynote talker and writer of "Digital Body Language: How to Build Trust and Connection, No Matter the Distance." She is besides the laminitis and CEO of Cotential, a institution that has helped leaders and teams leverage collaboration skills. Follow Erica connected Twitter @ericadhawan.

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