The Worst Character Names in the History of Literature

Too On-the-Nose

What does it mean to person an on-the-nose name? It means the happening you didn’t privation pointed retired astir yourself is pointed retired successful each 2nd of your beingness due to the fact that it is your name. For example, if you had precise large ears and were precise arrogant, you wouldn’t privation to beryllium called Heary McMirror. Sometimes authors springiness their characters an on-the-nose sanction due to the fact that they privation to archer you precisely who their quality is! Absolutely nary country for doubt. I get it! Let’s look astatine a fewer examples.

Your sanction is Draco Malfoy. Draco sounds similar a transverse betwixt “drag” and “psycho” truthful you cognize this idiosyncratic is some precise unfun and besides mightiness beryllium Patrick Bateman. Malfoy tin lone beryllium a play disconnected of the word/character Maleficent, right? Mal means “bad” successful French, maleficent means “causing harm oregon destruction, particularly by supernatural means” according to Google.com truthful yes, Draco Malfoy, is an on-the-nose sanction for a unspeakable quality and a terribly on-the-nose sanction for a quality of his persuasion.

Next: you are referred to professionally (AKA successful Percival Everett’s novel So Much Blue) arsenic “The Bummer.” That’s a bummer because, chances are, cipher likes it erstwhile you amusement up. Here’s different amusive one: “Alyosha the Pot.” That is the rubric of a classical Leo Tolstoy abbreviated story. It is besides what the main quality is referred to. I really deliberation it’s benignant of a amusive sanction until you recognize that the quality is meant to be, well, precise dense. In that case, I wouldn’t attraction truthful overmuch to beryllium referred to arsenic a big, round, bare object. Two much that some travel from the beingness of Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter: Dimmesdale and Chillingworth. Can you conjecture which 1 is simply a large dick and which 1 is benignant of, um, to beryllium polite: DIM? I thought so.

Well…That’s Awkward

Let’s determination connected to our adjacent category: awkward names. I find that the awkward literate names thin to notation to thing sexual, generally, that you mightiness beryllium a pervert? Let america not hold successful calling retired the wide victor successful this category: Humbert Humbert from Nabokov’s Lolita. You had immoderate doubts astir the connection that “Humbert” benignant of reminds you of? Let’s conscionable springiness it to you a 2nd time. Blazes Boylan is simply a cleanable 2nd example. This quality from Ulysses is a man’s antheral (did you person immoderate doubt? FIRE!!), a seducer of women (blazes, nary less!), and mightiness person a venereal illness (fire goes retired rapidly with water, ya know?).

Before we wrapper up, let’s springiness a peculiar outcry retired to the king of unspeakable quality names. You’ve seen him successful the archetypal paragraph and he’s backmost for a speedy impermanent appearance, it’s the large Charles Dickens! Lord Lancaster Stiltstalking from Little Dorrit is simply a chaotic name. When I searched the sanction connected the internet, Google.com warned maine that my “safe search” wasn’t connected truthful I mightiness spot nudity and/or graphic images. I’m serious! Come to deliberation of it, Little Dorrit is not that overmuch better. I cognize that is not her existent archetypal and past name, printed connected her commencement certificate benignant of situation, but if radical called maine “Little Dorrit” I would not attraction for it 1 bit. A fewer others: Seth Pecksniff, Zephaniah Scadder, Toby Crackit, and Jane Murdstone. If I had work much Dickens, I mightiness beryllium capable to delegate these to 1 of the 2 categories above, but alas, they are relegated to a class each their own: names I love, but bash not want.

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