Say My Name: A Sapphic Rumpelstiltskin Retelling

by Dahlia Adler

Lissa Haynes is pissed. 

I settee into my spot astatine our luncheon table, chin successful manus successful classical I’m listening pose, arsenic I ticker her tempest over, the edges of her acheronian bob smacking her chin with each step. Lissa has 2 modes—syrupy saccharine (when she wants something) and missionary from hellhole (when she didn’t get it)—and there’s lone 1 happening my champion person wanted severely capable to warrant the mode her hazel eyes glimmer with lightning. “Tell your bestie each astir it,” I say, patting the spot adjacent to me. 

It takes nary different prompting to get her to spill. “Bridget Miller is specified a bitch.” She punctuates the connection with a slam of her tray, and I clasp backmost a wince. She sounds truthful aggravated that, for once, Divya Kumari curbs her code connected internalized misogyny and its terminology. 

Such a bully bosom that miss has. It’s wherefore she’s lone allowed to beryllium with america doubly a week. 

“I instrumentality it this means you weren’t connected the list,” Div says cautiously instead, tugging connected a strand of her heavy achromatic waistlength hair. 

“Brilliant guess. Must beryllium wherefore you’re skipper of Model UN and really get to spell places.” Lissa snaps into a carrot instrumentality similar it’s Bridget Miller’s femur, her crisp achromatic teeth making speedy enactment of it. “Meanwhile, immoderate of america get screwed retired of NPCHS contempt being the literal champion coder successful the people due to the fact that Bridget Miller’s daddy convinced Mr. Roy that she’s Wheeler’s reply to Steve Jobs. And since lone 1 inferior gets to go, ta-da! The miss who’s spent each of 1 summertime astatine programming campy gets my spot.” 

“That is extremely fucked up,” I agree, some due to the fact that it is—the National Programming Contest for High Schoolers is thing that Lissa’s worked toward for years and should perfectly beryllium hers to attend—and due to the fact that it would beryllium the lone close reply with Lissa adjacent if it weren’t. But my words don’t look to person immoderate calming effect; the porcelain tegument of her cheekbones continues to occurrence with heat, 2 poison apples successful a oversea of cream. Her jaw remains set, crisp arsenic a shard of glass. The feeling of nonaccomplishment simmers successful my bones. 

I bash not fail. Especially erstwhile it comes to Lissa. 

“I’ll instrumentality attraction of it,” I accidental airily, stabbing a fork into a cucumber to marque wide unit volition beryllium portion of the occupation if necessary. It won’t beryllium necessary—the beginnings of an thought are stirring successful my encephalon already—but Lissa’s 1 of those girls who gets horny implicit bloodshed, and I’m 1 of those girls who gets horny implicit Lissa, so. 

Her look relaxes arsenic overmuch arsenic it ever does, features inactive crisp but little feral—the look of a miss who never, ever lets her defender down. How she knows the inheritance to Bridget getting her spot is beyond me, but that’s Lissa; don’t fto her hooded eyes fool you, due to the fact that they are ever wide fucking open. 

And she’s not unsocial successful that. We’ve been champion friends since sixth grade, erstwhile societal lives got much strategical and similar called to similar successful the earthy mode it does. Of course, she hasn’t yet figured retired that “best friends” isn’t meant to beryllium our last destination, but that’s fine. I’m patient. And I cognize she’ll get determination eventually. 

But archetypal things first.

__

Fun fact: Lissa Haynes is not the champion coder successful our class. She thinks she is, and until Bridget Miller’s daddy got to his aged frat member Mr. Roy astir Bridget, everyone other did, too. But that’s fine. Lissa’s blessed erstwhile she thinks she’s the best, and I haven’t precisely struggled to enactment my talents to bully use. 

Her C successful English that magically became an A-minus? Yours truly. Her 7 absences reduced to three? Also me. Every support gaffe she’s ever forgotten to get signed magically fixed by an email from Dr. Olivia Bradley-Haynes’s idiosyncratic account? Come on. Who bash you think? 

But I don’t request the recognition, oregon to beryllium Queen of the Computer Nerds. If my parents recovered retired that my sibling Miriasha has taught maine everything they know, I’d beryllium held captive successful my country until I had pristine applications completed for Stanford, MIT, and Carnegie Mellon. 

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Besides, Lissa’s favourite happening to bash erstwhile she wins coding competitions is to observe successful her blistery tub with her BFF, excessively overmuch champagne, and wandering hands, truthful like. Whatever the coding mentation of an Emmy Award is, she tin fucking person it. 

The happening is, Bridget Miller is besides decidedly not the champion coder successful our class; past I snooped she was hardly scraping by with a C. But I’ve seen her dada and Mr. Roy sprout the crap astatine fundraisers, and it’s wide the 2 of them are truthful buddy-buddy that helium could marque this hap if helium wanted to. Which means Bridget is astir apt shaking successful her last-season boots close present with the contention approaching.

She’ll astir apt request immoderate help. 

And fortunate her, I cognize the cleanable idiosyncratic for that. 

__

Create caller account. I could ever usage thing similar CodeMaster69—it’ll enactment conscionable good for my purposes—but it’s truthful lowbrow. I springiness myself a infinitesimal and take LanaGintur, which sounds conscionable capable similar a existent sanction to thrust her nuts and marque her deliberation I tin beryllium Internet-stalked portion really conscionable being an anagram of Alan Turing. 

And okay, yes, I adhd a 69 astatine the end, due to the fact that I’m lone human. 

LanaGintur69: I heard you got the inferior spot connected the coding team. 

LanaGintur69: Congratulations. 

Then I wait. It takes a fewer minutes, but I yet get my expected response. 

UnderTheBridge: Who is this 

Does Bridget cognize however slutty that sanction sounds? She must, right? “Under the Bridge” is similar a unspeakable pun that’d beryllium made successful the boys’ locker country by a losing shot team. 

Honestly, it’s benignant of brilliant. 

LanaGintur69: Someone who knows that you person nary thought what the fuck you’re doing. 

Silence. Every present and again, an “UnderTheBridge is typing” followed by a promising ellipsis, and past . . . nothing. 

She doesn’t respond again that night, but that’s fine. 

She will. 

__

The champion portion is watching Bridget glimpse furtively astir herself the full adjacent day, similar a chipmunk trying to support its precious trove of acorns from encroaching squirrels. Of course, Lissa notices, too. Her laser eyes person been pursuing Bridget astir arsenic intimately arsenic excavation have. “What’s up Miller’s ass today?” she asks with a snort arsenic we reapply our articulator gloss astatine the bath mirrors aft 3rd period. “Is it conscionable maine oregon does she look a small feral?” 

There’s nary tiny magnitude of glee successful her voice, and it takes everything successful maine to tamp down my grin with a crisp bony to the articulator that instantly demands reapplication of my Watermelon Wish. “She’s decidedly . . . something.” 

“I anticipation everything’s okay,” Divya murmurs instinctively, lavishing her ain lips with the berry purple she wears conscionable arsenic loyally arsenic Lissa sports her humor red. Then she catches america some glaring astatine her. “I mean, if she’s going to bargain your spot, she amended not screw it up.” 

Not perfect, but better. Lissa looks mollified. I cognize Divya has 1 ft retired the doorway connected this person group, and that’s fine—I don’t request to share. But a small respect, please. 

“Maybe she’s having a breakdown.” Lissa runs her manus done her hair, and I ticker the acheronian silk way done her fingers. “Serves her right. The archetypal in-school contention is this Friday, and she’s going to tank. She’s gotta cognize she’s successful implicit her head.” 

That’s what I’m counting on. 

“Definitely,” I say, watching Lissa use 1 last overgarment of Dragon’s Blood to her lips and stroke a buss astatine the mirror. “She is decidedly successful implicit her head.” 

__

Bridget cracks earlier the time is adjacent over. 

UnderTheBridge: Who are you 

LanaGintur69: That is beside the point. Do you privation the assistance oregon not? 

UnderTheBridge: Who says I request help? 

LanaGintur69: That would enactment a batch amended if you weren’t present replying to a alien who was offering it. 

UnderTheBridge: Out of the goodness of your heart, I’m sure 

UnderTheBridge: What bash you want 

Now, that’s a bully question, Bridget. Because I perfectly bash privation something, but we’re not determination yet. 

I person a overmuch amended usage for this question. 

LanaGintur69: Just the restitution of putting Lissa Haynes successful her spot volition beryllium fine, thx 

There’s different infinitesimal of silence, and I cognize 3 things are happening close now. 

1. Bridget’s suspicion that Lissa was down this relationship has present been torn apart. 
2. Bridget really believes she has an state against 1 of the astir almighty girls successful school. 
3. Bridget isn’t utilizing this clip to deliberation it over; she’s already decided to instrumentality maine up connected the offer. She’s conscionable trying not to dependable excessively eager. 

UnderTheBridge: Well, it’s hard to reason with that 

UnderTheBridge: Okay 

UnderTheBridge: What bash I request to do 

I nonstop her an invitation for a video chat nether a dummy account, crook connected my dependable changer, and support my surface connected a shared presentation. For 3 hours that night, I locomotion her done the archetypal 3 problems from past year’s competition, which took maine a expansive full of 20 minutes connected my own. Bridget’s not a speedy study, that’s for sure. I whitethorn beryllium amended than Lissa, but Lissa’s miles amended than her, and each present and again I person to support myself from screaming astir the powerfulness of nepotism and shitty boys’ clubs. 

Still, I property on, but Bridget’s intelligibly fading, not adjacent trying anymore. It’s a bully happening there’s nary mode she’s really going to the competition, due to the fact that it’s 2 hours longer than this and she would perfectly die. Finally, erstwhile I tin archer I’ve afloat drained her volition to live, I fto her go. 

Sort of. 

LanaGintur69: Tomorrow. 4 pm. 

UnderTheBridge: I can’t astatine 4, I person choir practice. 

LanaGintur69: Tomorrow. 4 pm. You don’t amusement up then, I don’t amusement up again astatine all. 

LanaGintur69 has signed off. 

I’ve ever hated her dependable anyway.

__

 The adjacent day, Bridget’s walking astir with acheronian circles nether her eyes, truthful I conjecture being anserine is exhausting. I’m tempted to suggest she bring java to our programming acquisition this afternoon, but, of course, that would springiness things away, truthful she’ll conscionable person to fig it retired connected her own—it’s gonna beryllium a agelong night. 

We bash an hr of algorithm challenges arsenic a warm-up. Then an hr of puzzles. Then different hr of problem-solving. She tries telling maine her dad’s location and she has to permission for dinner, and I mildly punctual her that her begetter is the crushed she’s successful this concern successful the archetypal spot and possibly she should constituent that retired to him if helium gives her immoderate occupation astir utilizing this clip to signifier for the archetypal in-school conscionable this Friday. 

She doesn’t inquire however I cognize that. After the archetypal 2 hours, she’s besides stopped trying to conjecture my identity. If she had immoderate encephalon abstraction near aft each these lessons, I mightiness beryllium worried, but I cognize it’s much apt she’s conscionable dormant connected her feet. 

I fto her spell astatine ten. 

LanaGintur69: Same clip tomorrow. 

UnderTheBridge: Thanks, but I deliberation the past mates of days were truly helpful, and I’ve got a batch of different enactment to do. 

UnderTheBridge: I tin instrumentality it from here. 

So fucking lazy. Lissa would astir apt leap astatine the accidental to walk this galore hours coding. Maybe erstwhile this is each over, I’ll travel cleanable astir everything, but this is not, successful fact, over. 

LanaGintur69: You sure? 

LanaGintur69: Because I’d hatred to deliberation astir each the rumors that would dispersed astir however you got onto the squad if you clang and pain arsenic hard connected Friday arsenic you decidedly volition if you don’t enactment immoderate much clip in. 

I astir anticipation she tries it. Lissa and I would person truthful overmuch amusive spreading her “secrets” similar wildfire. It’s precisely the benignant of crippled we would signifier portion sprawled retired connected her couch, sharing her favourite roasted chickpeas from a vessel tiny capable to unit our fingers to brushwood against each different each present and again. 

But astatine slightest for today, Bridget’s ironically excessively astute for that. 

UnderTheBridge: One much day. That’s it. 

I statement pointing retired that she’s truly not successful power here— not erstwhile I’m the 1 holding each the cards and giving her a much-needed education—but determine I’d alternatively fto her judge she has immoderate semblance of power. 

LanaGintur69: See you astatine 4.

__

It isn’t 1 much day, arsenic we some knew would beryllium the case, but astatine slightest the lessons person paid off—Bridget comes successful archetypal successful the signifier contention connected Friday, which, ironically, seems to beryllium her begetter right. Lissa is pissed, arsenic I knew she would be, but I cognize she’ll beryllium blessed erstwhile she witnesses a overmuch larger clang and burn. 

“It’s conscionable luck,” I guarantee Lissa. “Don’t worry. She isn’t going to marque it to the existent thing.” 

“And however would you cognize that?” Lissa demands, occurrence lighting up her eyes. 

“I told you to spot me. So spot me.” 

Slowly, the choler melts disconnected Lissa’s look and her lips curve into a Dragon’s Blood smile. “Of people I spot you.” She leans implicit and leaves a reddish imprint I tin consciousness connected my cheek. “More than anybody.” 

I support that with maine going into 1 past evening with Bridget. 

LanaGintur69: Congratulations. 

UnderTheBridge: We truly did it. I can’t judge it. Thank you, I guess. 

You guess? Oh, honey. Whatever blameworthy feelings I might’ve had astir what I’m doing to you would’ve been gone with that, if they’d ever existed successful the archetypal place. 

LanaGintur69: You’re welcome. 

LanaGintur69: Now it’s clip to get acceptable for the large show. 

UnderTheBridge: Did you spot my results? I crushed my full team. 

UnderTheBridge: And Lissa was decidedly not happy 

UnderTheBridge: We some got what we wanted 

UnderTheBridge: We’re done here 

LanaGintur69: Oh, are we? 

LanaGintur69: So I conjecture you don’t privation to instrumentality a look astatine the NPCHS challenges together. 

UnderTheBridge: We already did that. 

LanaGintur69: We looked astatine past year’s, not this year’s. 

Silence. Sweet, saccharine silence. I nonstop a quiescent acknowledgment to Miriasha for sending maine the problems from past year’s planetary collegiate contention erstwhile I told them I wanted to assistance a person study; Bridget isn’t going to beryllium capable to archer the difference. 

Miriasha did marque maine committedness it wasn’t Lissa I wanted them for; they’re not precisely her biggest fan. And technically, they’re not for Lissa. The information that this full happening volition besides assistance her successful the agelong tally is conscionable a bully coincidence. 

But really, isn’t everything I bash to assistance Lissa successful the agelong run? 

My large sib should cognize this. 

Even if nary 1 other does. 

UnderTheBridge: How bash you person this year’s questions 

UnderTheBridge: Who are you 

LanaGintur69: How did I cognize your daddy got you onto the team? 

LanaGintur69: How did I cognize you had nary thought what you were doing? 

LanaGintur69: How bash I cognize your sanction is Bridget Alma Miller, you unrecorded astatine 4 Timothy Lane, you’re allergic to feline hairsbreadth and strawberries, you lied astir hooking up with Ben Bandy connected the people travel past year, and you told your parents you mislaid the necklace from your grandma but really sold it connected eBay? 

LanaGintur69: I conscionable cognize things. 

UnderTheBridge: Seriously, who the fuck are you 

LanaGintur69: Tomorrow, 4 pm. 

LanaGintur69: Fuck choir practice. 

LanaGintur69 has signed off. 

She mislaid her solo aft skipping 2 practices past week to conscionable with me, truthful really, she’s not missing much. 

__

I springiness her 2 problems the adjacent time and chopped her disconnected by six. She’s better, but not that overmuch better. I knew what questions were going to beryllium successful the signifier competition, and that’s what we studied; it’s beauteous overmuch the sum full of what she knows, and it isn’t astir enough. 

UnderTheBridge: What astir the remainder of them? 

LanaGintur69: Like you said, you got it from here. And I’m definite you tin larn Python connected your own. 

She perfectly cannot larn Python connected her own. I’m not definite she adjacent knows what it is. I do cognize she’s screwed without it. 

LanaGintur69: You’ve already won once. Of course, that contention was conscionable practice, but who cares if you travel successful dormant past successful the existent thing? 

LanaGintur69: At slightest you get to go. 

LanaGintur69: You’ll beryllium fine. 

LanaGintur69: I’m definite your dada won’t beryllium humiliated. 

LanaGintur69: And nary 1 volition wonderment if you cheated the archetypal clip and however you perchance got connected the contention team. 

LanaGintur69: Good luck. 

I springiness it 30 seconds, and that’s each it takes. 

UnderTheBridge: Wait 

UnderTheBridge: Please 

UnderTheBridge: I inactive request your help 

Why, yes; yes, you do. 

LanaGintur69: The terms has gone up. 

UnderTheBridge: What bash you want? 

Now, that is the close question. But I fishy she is not going to similar the answer.

LanaGintur69: Your spot successful the competition. 

UnderTheBridge: What the fuck? Obviously I’m not giving you that 

UnderTheBridge: That’s the full constituent of this 

LanaGintur69: No, see, you got disconnected with making it look similar your daddy isn’t a liar. You’re invited for that. 

LanaGintur69: But that’s each you’re getting. 

LanaGintur69: That spot isn’t yours, and you aren’t keeping it. 

LanaGintur69: And if you effort to, I volition marque you pay. 

UnderTheBridge: What the FUCK 

UnderTheBridge: I did pay. Lissa is miserable, conscionable similar you wanted. 

UnderTheBridge: And truthful americium I. 

UnderTheBridge: I’m down successful each my classes, got dropped down successful choir . . . 

UnderTheBridge: I person paid. I don’t person thing other for you. 

LanaGintur69: Did I stutter? 

LanaGintur69: You. Have. The. Spot. I. Want. 

LanaGintur69: Give it up. 

UnderTheBridge: Even if I gave it up, it’d spell backmost to Lissa, not you. 

LanaGintur69: Now you’re catching on. 

UnderTheBridge: IS THIS FUCKING LISSA 

LanaGintur69: No, it is decidedly not fucking Lissa. 

LanaGintur69: And if you archer Lissa however she got her spot back, I volition extremity you. 

UnderTheBridge: If you truly expect maine to judge this isn’t Lissa, past archer me 

UnderTheBridge: Who 

UnderTheBridge: You 

UnderTheBridge: Are 

UnderTheBridge: You asshole 

In a cleanable world, I’d emotion for Lissa to cognize however superb I am. And I’d emotion for her to cognize we person this passionateness and endowment successful common. But I cognize that won’t enactment for her, that she won’t instrumentality it well. She doesn’t similar sharing immoderate spotlights, and that’s fine. 

All she has to cognize is that I did precisely what I said I would, with immoderate bonus beingness wreckage for Bridget successful the process. 

The however doesn’t matter. It isn’t important. 

And yet, I can’t hazard dangling the carrot, conscionable for a small catharsis. 

LanaGintur69: Tell you what. 

LanaGintur69: You fig that out, implicit with my afloat name, by noon tomorrow, and you tin support your spot. 

It sounds risky, I know, but it isn’t. Even if she someway figures retired that it’s me, nary one—not adjacent Lissa—knows my ineligible name. And they ne'er will. Considering it isn’t adjacent connected my commencement certificate, I cognize I’m safe. 

The information is, astatine noon tomorrow, Bridget volition beryllium forced to springiness up her spot, Lissa volition descent backmost successful arsenic if thing happened, and I’ll beryllium her hero, who happens to beryllium acceptable with a celebratory vessel of sparkling cider (and 1 of champagne successful my car for later). 

It’s going to beryllium a precise bully day. 

My telephone rings conscionable then, and I grin astatine the representation of Miriasha that fills the screen. “Hey, Mir. Thanks again for those situation questions. They came successful ace handy.”

 “Dude. What the fuck is incorrect with your voice?” 

“Oh, shit.” I crook disconnected the dependable distorter I usage for my sessions with Bridget. “Sorry astir that.” 

“Why were you utilizing a dependable changer?” 

“Oh, it’s for . . .” Turns out, that’s a hard happening to marque up an excuse for connected the spot. “Um.”

 They sigh. “Does this person thing to bash with the questions you asked for? The ones that weren’t for your girlfriend?” 

“She’s not my girlfriend,” I snap, hating however the precise thought of the intolerable brings vigor into my cheeks. “And they weren’t for Lissa. I’ve been helping a miss astatine schoolhouse who’s going to NPCHS and has nary thought what she’s doing. Or astatine slightest she didn’t.” 

At Midnight: 15 Beloved Fairy Tales Reimagined edited by Dahlia Adler, retired today

“Say My Name” by Dahlia Adler, based connected “Rumpelstiltskin” by The Brothers Grimm. Excerpted from AT MIDNIGHT: 15 Beloved Fairy Tales Reimagined edited by Dahlia Adler. Copyright © 2022 by Dahlia Adler. Reprinted with permission from Flatiron Books. All rights reserved.